We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
