we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize