just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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