So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
