I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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