This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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