There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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