thus making me awesome and them whores
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
