so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
