Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
How's work?
Spinning.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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