absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
