I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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