i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
