I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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