i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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