it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Is it penis luge time yet?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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