um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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