the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
