I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
