I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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