I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Every concussion has its silver lining
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize