So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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