So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
