why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
