Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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