what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
