The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
