Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
the condom got lost in my hair
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
