She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
