Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
