remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
