why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
