Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
