I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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