are you still at the devil's house?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
