I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
