mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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