ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
