before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
