So drunk its hurt
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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