Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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