i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
