And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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