Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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