no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
