Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
babies were throwing up all over the place
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
