Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
