did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
