They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
