Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
