Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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