just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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