Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
