He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
