I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
