we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
