So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
