Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
