omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
