I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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