I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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