She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
When are your genitals available?
I need water and some morals
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
