somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
