I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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