exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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