How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You made out with two different species that night
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
