do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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